Podcast: Burnout - What our leaders can do. What we can do.
Burnout is very real, and it’s on the rise. Many young professionals are facing excessive workloads, a conflict in values, and a perceived lack of control. According to a Deloitte study, as many as 40% of South African women feel burnt out. in today's podcast, TSBU Counselling Psychologist Reabetsoe Buys, and Human Resources Director at the JSE, Palesa Ntoagae share their own experiences, expertise, and insights on improving resilience and overall mental wellbeing in challenging timesListen to the Podcast below
How to set boundaries for a thriving work/life balance
In 2020, the world was swept up by the Covid-19 pandemic that continues to loom over our every move. Various countries made the hard decision to halt the spread of the virus through extreme lockdown measures. In South Africa hard lockdown meant we could not move around freely and seeing friends and family outside of our immediate household was stopped for a period of time. This was an event not experienced in any of our lifetimes. According to The Economist, an African perspective, Covid will leave lasting economic scars on Africa.On the work front, organisations have faced massive disruptions. Due to hard lockdown, businesses had to quickly adapt their operations (if they could operate at all). Due to the restrictive movement of people, traditional work environments stopped. Some organisations navigated this by working remotely and employees were thrust into this new way of work. Employees have reported that remote working has resulted in longer work hours, digital fatigue, communication frustration and lack of personal time and space. The question of practically and purposefully navigating this new working context is important.It is necessary for employees and organisations to pick up new skills and habits quickly. Let’s explore some of these for employees. Setting workable boundariesBefore getting into the practicalities it is useful to acknowledge that for those of us from traditional work spaces, this environment was informed and structured by a building to go to. Our employment contracts and habits formed over years told us when to start work, what time we finished, when we could take a lunch break and that engaging with others through meetings and kitchen catch-ups was normal. This tradition is now on its way out.Organisations have chosen to embrace the remote working approach, at first as a response to Covid but later as a strategic workforce decision. As such employees have a responsibility to pick up the habits and skills needed very quickly. A tool that is earning its place is the humble boundary. The American Psychological Association describes a boundary as a psychological demarcation that helps a person or group set realistic limits on participation in a relationship or activities. This definition is true in the context of an evolving and dynamic working space. The application of a boundary can enable employees to achieve success in all aspects - both personal and professional. Before delving into boundaries and the relevance for employees it must be clarified that a healthier workplace is not defined as a traditional work environment, i.e. a physical space provided by an organisation but more to the contract of employment (which can be enacted in one’s choice of environment, i.e. remotely). Sauter, Lim and Murphy (1996) define a healthy workplace, as an organisation that “maximises the integration of worker goals for wellbeing and company objectives for profitability”. My challenge for employees is that it is not just the company that is responsible for creating these goals, but rather that the shift towards remote environments allows for a shared responsibility between employees and organisations in establishing a healthy workplace (where one physically and psychologically connects to the employment contract). Adkins, Quick and Moe (2000) refer to organisational health as a quest for an abundant life. It is a wonderful idea that work life can be an abundant life, made more empowering is that as an employee one is fully empowered to co-create and live that abundant life. Setting the frameworkLet’s explore where an employee can set practical boundaries:Start and end timesI have heard employees tell me that they find themselves working longer hours to “finish up that last email” or “have the last say on a project” which means finishing two or three hours later than usual. I have heard managers say “but I didn’t ask for that”. So let us begin with setting a realistic limit of when to start and when to end. How does sticking to your contractually agreed working hours sound to you? My invitation is for you to bring back a start and end time. Begin the day with breakfast, say goodbye to the family and start work. To help with “shutting off” of work at the end of the day, start a task list, or “today I will achieve” list. Be committed, tick off or follow up on the dependencies. Putting down a task list helps you set your pace and gives you a sense of accomplishment. It gives you permission to “leave” work at the end of the day and gives you clarity on when to “start” the next day.Break, breathe and eat lunchAt the office, we had stops to eat and unwind with colleagues. I remember seeing some employees enjoying my company’s beautiful gardens while sitting outside. Why did that stop? I have heard employees say “I worked the entire day, there was no time to eat, take a break or breathe”. I believe the connections between breaking, breathing and eating is linked to a healthier you and a healthy you is a healthy workplace. If you have a highly structured role, taking a lunch break is possible – eat, go outside or sit near an open window for 15 minutes. If you work in a more ambiguous role you need to create the breaks you need. Pack a lunchbox and take it with you for the day, so you can have moments of breaking from work. FlexibilityI personally love the flexibility of time in a remote environment. At first, though, I ended up having my attention split into many aspects because, well, it could be done. I can work and sign for a delivery. I can work and quickly dash off to the shops because I forgot to buy that important grocery item on the weekend. I can work and have my children sit with me while they finish up their homework with me coaching, correcting and being firm with them while I was reading that crucial email, or responding to my manager’s WhatsApp message. How wrong was I? Flexibility comes with responsibility. The result for me was not being fully present in anything I did. I was always sharing my focus with everything – flexibility doesn’t work for me without boundaries/limits. I was stressed. I was getting short tempered with my kids, starting to blame work for so many emails and WhatsApps. The power for change was with me. I needed to define reasonable flexibility for myself and I have become fiercely protective of my time. After all, time lost is never gotten back.Connections with your organisationPhysical distance can lead to one losing connection with work, the responsiveness needed, communicating face-to-face verbally and non-verbally. It is the sum of all the aforementioned that helps solve issues, motivate oneself and ultimately to find abundance in the workplace. As an employee you have the responsibility to read the organisational newsletter, be curious about your company website, set up meetings with your manager to talk about your challenges with your deliverables, attend communication sessions. If you have check-ins with your manager or your team, participate, switch on your camera, show up. Seize the day.Setting yourself up for successI mentioned earlier that I had allowed flexibility into my life with all its wonderful promises of being able to control my personal and work space but found it not serving me or my responsibilities. The lesson for me was that you can be wrong with boundaries that end up working against you and not for you. The good news is that you have the power to re-establish them so that they serve you better. How can you recognise if a boundary has been poorly set up?Heightened stress (emotional outbursts, inability to sleep, short temper at home or work).The intended use of the boundary does not give you the desired results.The boundary makes you miss important deliverables (perhaps you have applied too much structure and not enough room for change, if the context warrants it?).The above is not an exhaustive set of warning signs but a few of the big ones. If you find yourself saying “yes” to any of the above. Pause, reflect on the boundary and reimagine it practically!Remote working has created a range of possibilities for us. Some good, some bad and many opportune areas for reimaging our world of work. Being a co-creator of one's workspace and having the ability to allow abundance into work is simply wonderful.Atasha Redhi is a clinical psychologist whose passion is connecting people with and to the workplace on a human level to ensure the workplace is one of dignity, respect and ultimately transformation.
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How to help children cope with distress
If children are distracted from talking about fear and anxiety, they often become preoccupied and feel alone with their worries. Educational psychologist, Junior June Manala explains how caregivers can help children navigate distress.What are the signs of distress to look out for in a child?Parents and primary caregivers are the most important people in children’s lives in the early dependent years. It follows that stressful relationship environments are deeply felt by all children. Unfortunately, emotional distress is not often talked about. Yet, babies and toddlers, like other children, are highly attuned to shifts in their caregivers’ emotional states, verbal tone, facial expression, and movement. Infants and young children are immensely affected by stressful situations, and if the stress is chronic, it can impact their developing brain neural connections. Toxic stress can change a baby’s brain chemistry and their overall development trajectory. (Graham Music, Sue Gerhardt,)Manifestation of distress in infants and young children may include but is not limited to (especially when these occur out of the ordinary or suddenly):CryingRefusal to feedLack of eye contactHiccuppingPositingScreeching soundsClinginessPale or reddish skin pallorEczemaRespiratory problemsSleeping problemsAngerAt times too much activity in the arms and legs of a newborn is an indication of distress. In this case, gathering the infant together and wrapping them up nicely and speaking softly to them can have a calming effect.Adolescents grieve loss just like adults and may hide their vulnerability by isolating themselves or turning outward for peer group support more than usual. However, teenagers may engage in risky behaviour to mask or numb emotions. Amazingly too, neuroscientists e.g., Dan Siegel, 2013 writes that adolescence is a period of major brain growth that can enhance creative thinking if adults can engage and listen.If we consider behaviours as the language of children that need to be translated into words, then we are well on the way to teaching our children to connect their feelings-in-the-body with their behaviour. This helps soothe, calm, or relax the central nervous system that is operating in a fight or flight or freeze mode.What are some of the causes of distress?Many responsible parents take particularly good care of their children’s practical needs such as feeding, grooming, etc., but what often gets neglected is attention to emotional needs. As a result of the emotional neglect and unmet attachment needs, distress will arise.Examples of some of the causes are:Unrealistic demands of children beyond their age and capability. Infants do not understand death but respond to loss and separation of a loved one by protesting it. Some young children might search for the person in their usual places.Children aged 7-8 years old may not understand the permanence of death and regard the deceased as sleeping. Seeing the loved one in a coffin and attending a burial leaves the child with worries as to how the loved one will “get out” of the box when there is so much heavy soil over them.In many African cultures’ children are protected from seeing corpses. They may come to understand death as an emotionally charged situation, where main caregivers are preoccupied in their grief, which can be overwhelming for children. This leaves memories and experiences that are not processed since adults often find it hard to speak to children about death.The vast body of knowledge by neuroscientists Antonio Damasio, Jaak Panksepp, Allan Shore among others, indicates we can intentionally build our children’s brains and resilience to toxic stress from pregnancy through the first two and half years by attending to feelings, naming them, and allowing for their expression. The way we hold our children, look at them, speak to them and respond to their inborn natural attachment needs is learned and stored in our children’s brains.What can I do to reduce the risk of distress in our home?Parents need to remind themselves that they want the best for their children and that parenting is hard especially when faced with a pandemic which brings sudden change and the loss of loved ones.The idea of “good enough” parenting is quite freeing. Parents might need to be reminded of self-care, which is what they need to recharge their emotional cups. Another reminder is that there is no such thing as perfect parenting. This helps to reduce some of the pressure parents face.Thoughtfulness and intention to be a good parent is a given for many parents and includes paying attention to the following:Noticing your response is the first step towards being emotionally available to yourself and creating moments for self-care to refill your emotional energy.Having a support system helps in generating a blanket of warmth and care in difficult times.Being calm helps you transmit the same calmness to your children.Maintaining consistency in caregiving routines such as feeding and bedtimes.Asking for help and cooperation from your children such as tidying and putting away things in the home.Avoiding activities that are likely to heighten stress and anxiety i.e., long hours of watching and listening to violent movies or long periods on social media. Create spaces for play or talking or storytelling that soothes rather than arouses anxiety.What are the key things I should do to help?Remembering that you are bigger, stronger, and wiser than your child will help you to find your calm. This is contrary to complaints that young children or infants are controlling and manipulating their parents. Remember that infants and young children’s brains are not yet sufficiently developed to “control”.Love your children for who they are not for how they behave and encourage them to come to you when they are distressed.This is our step-by-step way to comfort a child.Take in your child’s emotions as if you are in their shoes (empathy) rather than being dismissive of their emotional pain.Find your calm and lend your calm to the child (co-regulate through your face and eye contact), use a soft voice and smooth movements to soothe a fearful or upset child. Holding or gentle touching helps to soothe. Children prefer bodily contact.When you are sure that you have the child’s attention, find the words to help them find their own words to speak about how they are feeling.As an example, let’s say Mpho is moving from one activity to another without really thinking about what he is doing and why. This is an example of nervous emotional energy expressed as restlessness or hyperactivity. Supposing mum were to gently say, “Mpho, come here,” and held him kindly, lowering her voice and directing kind eyes to him saying, “I can see that you are telling me that you are unhappy inside.” If mum pauses and allows him to really take this in, over time, he learns to connect how nervousness or fear shows in his body. It is likely that mum will notice relaxation in Mpho and he might be able to respond positively in words. Mum will have succeeded in noticing the distress, understanding the language of his behaviour and translating the behaviour into words. This process is co-regulation and soothing for Mpho.When should I, as a parent, seek help for my child?When distress disrupts the normal functioning of the child and the family it is a call for help, particularly when the caregivers have tried everything without success. It will then be time to seek professional assistance.For babies and young children under five, help can be sought from parent-infant psychotherapists such on Gauteng Association for Infant Mental Health South Africa (GAIMHSA); Ububele African Psychotherapy and Training Centre; Grow Great runs Flourish prenatal and postnatal programmesFor children and adolescents, telephonic help is available from Lifeline or the South African Depression and Anxiety Group. Public schools have school-based support teams that can assist children. Some universities offer counselling services to communities at minimum costs or for free.Private practitioners such as clinical social workers, counsellors and psychologists are available at a cost. Junior Manala offers play therapy, parent infant and under Fives psychotherapy, Strubenvalley Assessment and Therapy Centre.